


Is Not That Strange?

by galaxyjun



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Miscommunication, bullshit poetic writing, excessive imagery, just give Jaehwan love y'all, lapslock, populate this tag more too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-16 08:53:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12339462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxyjun/pseuds/galaxyjun
Summary: fate’s playground is a moonless sky in the dead of night, it seems.——————————————————————————————Jaehwan missteps and reflects





	Is Not That Strange?

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this all after i took the psat and i genuinely cannot tell if this invokes any genuine emotion at all because im so sick of it stick me in a messy room w/ fucking new smoothies pls

Jaehwan’s drunk, which is never a good thing.

he’s absolutely hammered, and he’s on the porch with Daniel, and Daniel’s just cackling at something stupid that drunk Jaehwan said and Jaehwan’s not even sure what’s so funny about it, but he’s laughing along anyways. the party thunders on inside the house behind them, but in the moment it’s just them, on a badly like porch in the middle of the night, laughing and shouting into the darkness. 

and something about Daniel’s face is just so _soft_ and _perfect_ in that moment, the dim light of the porch highlighting just how handsome he is, the muffled laughter and music from inside the house fading further into the background, and Jaehwan’s heart, mind and soul whisper _”now, now, now.”_ for once, Jaehwan thinks that they’re right. eyes closing naturally, he leans in, lips pursed, and he hears the tiny hitch of Daniel’s breath and Jaehwan thinks, hopes, pleads, ‘let me get this right’.

two hands press against Jaehwan’s shoulders. confused, Jaehwan opens his eyes, and Daniel’s face is… it’s _wrong,_ blank and kind of hollow and completely unreadable. through the drunken fog of his mind Jaehwan thinks ‘this isn’t how it’s supposed to go’.

Daniel opens his mouth, closes it, then sighs. slowly, smiling so carefully and gently and sadly, in a way that’s completely and utterly fake, he gets up and walks inside, but not before patting Jaehwan’s shoulders and saying,

“i’m sorry.”

each step away sounds like thunder, and very numbly Jaehwan thinks, _’ah, so this is what heartbreak feels like’._

—————————————————————————————— 

Jaehwan doesn’t even get the benefit of forgetting it. no, all he gets is a shitty taste in his mouth and a shittier headache and the shittiest clogged feeling in his throat that makes sorrow burst out of his mouth in sobs he tries to choke back but he just can’t. everything sucks, the hangover, the classes he’s going to end up skipping because of the mess in his head, and the slowly crumbling feeling that spreads through him. the worst thing though, the worst part of this whole shitty situation is that Sewoon won’t be back for another week, gone to visit his hometown and freshly broke his phone.

a buzz from the nightstand. he rolls over to check, and Minhyun’s contact flashes on the screen.

_Grand Emperor:  
Aren’t you coming to class???_

Jaehwan rolls over and cries until he falls asleep again.

—————————————————————————————— 

Daniel probably was love at first sight.

because all Jaehwan knew then was Sewoon, friends since diapers and most likely until death, anchors for each other through their whole lives. then Jaehwan graduates and Sewoon’s left behind and Jaehwan’s thrust into the real world, larger than anything and daunting as all hell. beyond the flippancy, beyond the arrogance, beyond the carefully constructed image Jaehwan’s been projecting for years, he’s a kid horribly terrified of being hurt, of being alone, but too scared to reach first.

the only people who know that about Jaehwan now are Sewoon and Daniel.

ironically — the kind of irony that makes you laugh because you’re helpless to do anything else because god does it fucking _hurt_ — Jaehwan and Daniel meet on a porch. a porch in the middle of the night, at a party.

Jaehwan stumbled out there, heart in his throat and tears in his eyes, the scent of alcohol clogging his lungs and the stray hands that grabbed him still burning against his skin, and collapsed on the porch with a sob that got caught in his throat as it escaped. he had sat there, shoulders shaking, crying without the tears, but stopped breathing once the porch door swung open and sniffles filled the silence he just created.

“oh.” a voice said, deep and husky and horribly hurt. “s-shit, i'm sorry—“

“nah,” Jaehwan replied weakly, not looking up. “come join the club.”

with a weak laugh, the other person collapsed next to Jaehwan in the same manner he had just earlier. silence stretched on, until Jaehwan awkwardly cleared his throat and asked, “so… what brings you to the uh, pity porch?”

the other person let out a startled laugh. “homesickness.” they admitted through their giggles. “you?”

Jaehwan sighed, raising his head, and said “anxiety.” he looked right and—

and—

with a smile gentle and reassuring and kind that’s just completely genuine, eyes red and pressed into crescents, face round and soft and streaked with tears, Daniel got up, moved over and threw an arm around Jaehwan’s shoulders, but not before wincing slightly and saying,

“i’m sorry.”

his heart beating as loud as thunder, Jaehwan had numbly thought _’ah, so this is what love can feel like.’_

fate’s playground is a moonless sky in the dead of night, it seems.

—————————————————————————————— 

heartbreak does wonders for creativity and wreaks havoc on productivity.

Jaehwan doesn’t go to class for a few days, limbs too heavy to move and no Sewoon to make him, instead hunches over his desk and writes and writes and writes, hands cramping and eyes burning and heart aching. it’s like destructive therapy, wrenching out disgusting feelings and laying them bare on paper right in front of Jaehwan’s eyes, black and bold like an accusation, a taunt. 

Jaehwan’s phone lights up again. questions probably, from classmates, most likely. anger, worry, confusion, Jaehwan’s not checking anymore. last few times he’s checked, they’ve all been the same.

Jaehwan’s pencil breaks. he stops, puts it aside, takes a new one, and turns the page.

—————————————————————————————— 

to fall in love was both an inferno and a slow burnall at once.

overwhelming, consuming, sudden moments where Jaehwan’s heart will rise and fall and his face will heat up and everything will just yearn in this beautifully sad way. Daniel has a natural _aura,_ he draws people in, with his kindness and nice smile and bright laugh and Jaehwan’s seems to be unable to escape the pull, drawn closer and closer by the sudden need to weave himself into Daniel’s being and never unravel.

but it’s also like melting, gently and slowly and peacefully in a way that you never want it to stop. moments of quiet, together in the library or side by side on campus walking in fall or Daniel, asleep on Jaehwan’s shoulder, where it’s another inch deeper, fallen a little bit harder, and Jaehwan just has a small moment to himself of blissful warmth, of pure indulgence, where he loses himself in Daniel just a little more every time.

Jaehwan writes Daniel’s name in thousands of words and notes, in dozens of notebooks and scores, fire in his veins guiding his hand to write the same song he knows like the back of his hand.

once, Daniel sees him writing, and with a grin that makes him look like the sun on earth, asks, “writing a love song? whoever gets it is going to be lucky!”

love’s the best inspiration. heartbreak is better.

—————————————————————————————— 

Jaehwan leaves for one day of classes, not speaking to anyone, keeping his head down and writing his notes and leaving without a word. he’s tired, god he’s so fucking tired, but the world spins and time flows and things keep moving with no regard for the ever-present weight that clings to Jaehwan’s edges and trails along in his shadow.

others try to strike up conversation, Jaehwan responds with as few words as possible, eyes downcast. his tongue feels like lead, his mouth dry like sand, and soon, they know, that he doesn’t want to talk. Minhyun keeps looking at him, concerned and sad and so caring but Jaehwan doesn’t look back. 

a day feels like a century but moves as a blur, and somewhere between dark and light, in the cold quiet corner of their campus where Jaehwan cuts across to make it home, he finds Daniel.

they stop. stare. Daniel’s heartbreakingly beautiful, like always, and scars just freshly healed crack open slowly and painfully, filling Jaehwan’s body with the painful numb that he’s just been pushing away.

Daniel just looks at him. eyes wide, blank, hurt, sorry. his hands lie limp at his sides, thin shirt blowing in the wind. maybe, another Jaehwan had gotten it right, in another world and another time, a Jaehwan kinder or smarter or better. maybe that Jaehwan’s happy, running towards Daniel with a loud smile, shouting “you’re gonna get cold!” and wrapping himself around Daniel and never letting go. 

This Jaehwan takes a half step forward and watches as Daniel turns on his heel and walks away.

Jaehwan stands and stares until his finger numb and lungs burn and his tears dry, before walking the long way home.

—————————————————————————————— 

“what does love feel like Jaehwan?” Daniel asked him, once, lifetimes ago.

Jaehwan stopped, looked up then away, and said, “Love feels like downpours during sunshine, strangely beautiful and right in all the wrong ways, an oxymoron of a feeling so absurd you can’t help but want to treasure it, even if you’re not sure why.”

silence stretches in the moments that follow, and when Jaehwan turns to Daniel with a soft “Niel?” he’s met with an expression so complex yet empty that he visibly flinches in response, feeling bare and exposed and all too scrutinized.

“it must feel nice.” Daniel said softly, and then that was the end of that.

—————————————————————————————— 

Sewoon comes home on a Saturday, a full week since the party, and he takes one look at Jaehwan on the couch before saying “oh no” and climbing on to cuddle him.

Jaehwan tells him, of course, and all Sewoon does is sigh and hum and rub is arm reassuringly in Sewoon’s usual quiet and peaceful way. they’re opposites, Sewoon quietly confident while Jaehwan’s loudly insecure, and they match so perfectly that it’s no wonder their friendship’s lasted all these years.

at some point a movie’s turned on, and they heat up pizza, and they eat and watch it in silence, still curled around each other. Sewoon’s not even watching the movie, eyes closed but not sleeping, Jaehwan’s isn’t paying attention either, mind finally still and calm after so long in turmoil. it’s quiet, still, and Jaehwan can feel his mind drifting, sleep creeping, he’s just closing his eyes and falling backwards into slumber—

their doorbell, sharp and piercing and painful shrieks, and Sewoon groans out a curse. Jaehwan moves to stand, but Sewoon waves him off. “you look like a mess,” he says, cracking his neck “i’ll get it.”

the ringing persists, loud and painful, but when Sewoon opens the door there’s a choked noise and then rapid hushed whispering, growing angrier and louder by the second. Jaehwan’s just bringing himself to stand to see what the fuck is happening when footsteps thunder around the corner and Jaehwan’s suddenly got One Seongwoo jabbing a finger in his face and screaming as Sewoon pulls at his arm trying to calm him down.

“you _asshole”_ Seongwoo hisses, eyes blazing with fury. “you’re the worst, you make me sick—“

“hyung, please calm down—“ Sewoon tries, when Seongwoo whirls on him.

“calm down?!” he yells. “how can you tell me to calm down, he tried to fucking cheat on you and he lead Daniel on and—“

“wait—“ Jaehwan cuts in, ignoring the massive issue that is the ‘leading Daniel on” in favour of focusing on the other major part of that sentence. “i _what?”_

“YOU TRIED TO KISS DANIEL WHEN YOUR BOYFRIEND WAS OUT OF TOWN” Seongwoo shouts. 

Jaehwan blinks, very slowly.

“but we’re not dating.” Sewoon says simply. “i was out of town visiting my boyfriend.”

everything freezes. time stops. movement ceases.

“oh my god.” Jaehwan whispers very quietly.

—————————————————————————————— 

the door to the practice room flings open with a loud bang, and Daniel shouts, throwing his hands up and stumbling backwards.

“holy shit—“ he wheezes. Jaehwan ignores him, too busy leaning heavily on the door and panting and trying not to die. Daniel looks up, realizes who it is, and his face closes off in a way that’s unfamiliar and terrifying and makes Jaehwan’s heart plummet.

he grabs it, yanks it back up to his chest and locks it firmly in place. _not now_ he tells himself, stumbling forward.

“Jaehwan—“ Daniel starts, turning away. Jaehwan grabs his hands yanks him closer.

“i like you.” he gasps, still not breathing right. “i’ve only ever liked you, god, that doesn’t even cover it, i’m in love with you Daniel, Sewoon’s my fucking roommate you dumb fuck, i’ve been in love with you for years now and if you didn’t actually want to kiss me then tell me but if you do then fucking do it—“

Daniel grabs Jaehwan’s face with both his hands and pulls up. Jaehwan reaches up and pulls down.

it’s mid afternoon in a dingy practice room with no ac and they’re both hot and sweaty and gross and shaking in each other’s hold. it’s no endless night sky, no dreamy dim lighting, no cold air and tentative fingers.

Daniel’s pulse thrums in his neck against Jaehwan’s fingers, and Jaehwan blissfully thinks _’ah, so this is what he feels like.’_

—————————————————————————————— 

“I do love nothing in the world so well as you- is not that strange?”  
― William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> anyways any Jaehwan ship is good (As Long As They're Legal You Nasty Fucks) but nielhwan is like;;; god tier. amazing shit.
> 
> hope u liked it!
> 
> also the quote + title being from Much Ado About Nothing is basically miscommunication is the devil TALK TO PEOPLE YOU CARE ABT
> 
> [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/kyunset)


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